A few years ago I was at Extreme Fitness on Danforth, lifting barbells in front of a mirrored wall. When I looked in the mirror, who did I see behind me on the pulley machine, but the one and only Rick Mercer. So, I did what any normal person would do, I overcame my Canadian politeness and walked up to him and said:
“If you were born in Canada you won the lottery.”
Rick, clearly not having heard a word I said, pulled his headphones off his ears and asked me what I said. Not to be deterred I repeated myself:
“If you were born in Canada you won the lottery. You said that on one of your shows and I will never forget it, because since my kids were babies I have been telling them how lucky they are to be born in Canada”.
Rick pretended he did not remember saying that, made a joke, and deciding I had disturbed him enough I went back to pumping iron.
Why am I telling you this story? Because I believe that the secret to happiness is gratitude, and for me, the thing I am most grateful for in life is living in Canada. Something that a lot of Canadians take for granted, is to me the greatest gift I was ever given.
Gratitude can be cultivated and there are some simple and effective techniques that can help you become more appreciative of what you have and ultimately happier.
People are very bad at predicting what will make them feel good. As a society we are taught we need the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect mate. Whatever we have is not enough, because someone else has something better. We cannot be happy unless we have what is just at the tip of our fingertips, if only we try a little harder. Reach a little further. When we win the lottery, all our problems will go away.
Yet, study after study has shown that money does not make people happy. After our basic meets are met, money has no direct correlation with happiness. And getting the “perfect” job, and house, and mate, may help, they are also not the answer. What does consistently come up though is gratitude. Being appreciative of what we have changes our entire perspective of the world. It doesn’t prevent us from experiencing pain, and grief, and loss, because that is part of life. But it makes the difficult days easier to deal with, and can make the normal days extra ordinary.
In Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book “The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want“, she refers to gratitude as “a kind of meta-strategy for achieving happiness.”
People who are grateful are likely to be happier, hopeful, and more energetic, and are better able to cope with stress and trauma.
Gratitude is a habit, and like other habits can be developed over time.
Keep a Gratitude Journal
One of the best ways to cultivate gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal. Every day write down what you are grateful for that day. Not only will it make you more appreciative as you are writing it, but it will give you a written reminder on those days when you don’t feel grateful for anything.
Turn a Complaint Upside Down
One of the best videos I saw was of Zig Ziglar telling a story about a woman who came to one of his events and told him how terrible her job was, and all the people in her life. After persuading her to start writing down all the things that she loved about her job – great salary and benefits, vacations, etc – and her life, she left grumbling. Several months later this woman attended another of Zig Ziglar’s events and started telling him how much nicer everyone at her job was to her, and how much better her life was, totally oblivious that she was the one that had changed, not them.
Compare Wisely
If you going to compare yourself with others, make sure you choose wisely.
Many people cause themselves unnecessary stress by making comparisons.
In cultivating gratitude, you have one of two options if you find yourself making such comparisons. You can either choose to compare yourself to people who have less than you (which reminds you how truly rich and lucky you are), or you can feel gratitude for having people in your life who can inspire you.
Be grateful for the “little” things. It can be enough to shift you into gratitude: a sunny day, a beautiful flower, a flock of birds. Even getting out of bed in the morning.
Just our feet touching the ground in the morning reminds us that we are alive, breathing and moving – which is much better than being in a wooden box in the ground.
Lyubomirsky talks about ways to express gratitude, one of which is to compose a letter to someone who has had a great impact on your life. You can read it to the person face-to-face or over the phone, but a study has shown that writing a letter without sending it automatically leads to happiness as well.
Say thank you to those you love. Feeling more appreciative of their partners, the day after they themselves felt more appreciated, strengthens relations and makes everyone happier.
As I mentioned earlier, the thing that I am most grateful for in my life is living in Canada.
I wasn’t born in Canada. I was born in Pakistan to Catholic parents. The year I turned three, my parents moved to England. Six years later my parents left all their immediate family behind in England and moved over 3,000 miles away to Toronto. Because of that decision, I live in a country that is consistently rated one of the best places to live in the world. A beautiful country with “rocks and trees and trees and rocks and water“. A country where I am free to travel by myself, get an education, and be whatever I want to be when I grow up. A country in which both my sons are safe to love and marry whoever they want. I think about all these things every day and it fills my heart and soul with immense gratitude.
Cultivate Gratitude
Want to be happier? I challenge you to do one thing every day to cultivate gratitude. Write in a journal. Take a few minutes every morning or evening to focus on all that is wonderful in your life. Tell a friend or lover how much you appreciate them.
And I leave you with this quote by Brother David Steindl-Rast.
“In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.”